Unfortunately this month I won’t be including a book review as the ones I would most like to cover are on loan at the moment. Hence I have no passages to quote. Maybe next month. This month...``And now for something completely different! ´´
I thought as tribute to one of my favourite comedians I would include some small gems from that comic genius who was Spike Milligan. Grandfather of Monty Python, Ripping Yarns, Q shows and all the inherent silliness that became the trademark of British comedy. His passing marks not only the end of an era in comedy but also an end to a life which gave us over 60 books as well as countless films and radio shows. ``The Last Goon Show of All´´, was one thing but the last goon of all is something else altogether. You may recall him in ``The Life Of Brian´´, as the man in the crowd scene holding the shoe who gets trampled by the thronging masses. It is something of a sad moment, to reflect on so many funny moments and anecdotes and the endless laughter over the years. I hope you enjoy these extracts even if they are known to you already. Farewell Eccles, Henry and Min! From the pen of Spike some quotes and poems...
Teeth
English Teeth, English Teeth!
Shining in the sun
A part of British heritage
Aye, each and every one.
English Teeth, Happy Teeth!
Always having fun
Champing down on bits of fish
And sausages half done.
English Teeth, HEROES’ Teeth
Hear them click and clack!
Lets sing a song of praise to them –
Three cheers for the Brown Grey and Black.
``Money can’t buy you friends but it can buy you a better class of enemy! ´´
``It was a perfect marriage. She didn’t want to and he couldn’t. ´´
``I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine. ´´
``My Father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic. ´´
``I don’t mind dying. I just don’t want to be there when it happens. ´´
His requested epitaph on his tomb.... ``I told you I was ill! ´´
After receiving a CBE in 1992.... ``I can’t see the sense in it really. It makes me a Commander Of the British Empire. They might as well make me a Commander of Milton Keynes. At least that exists. ´´
Celebrating his 75th birthday.... ``When I look back, the fondest memory I have is not really of The Goons. It is of a girl called Julia with enormous breasts. ´´
In reply to Prince Charles on a letter praising his lifetime achievement comedy award...``Little grovelling bastard. ´´
There was a young man named Wyatt
Whose voice was exceedingly quiet
And then one day
It faded away
.................
Said Hamlet to Ophelia,
I’ll do a sketch of thee,
What kind of pencil shall I use,
2B or not 2B?
And last but not least his key phrase
``You silly twisted boy. ´´
25.2.02
This Is Not The Danish I Get For Breakfast Back Home
I have been going to the English Club here in Darmstadt for the last couple of Wednesday nights. A really good bunch of people who having been really kind in offering all kinds of assistance. They have regular film nights, quiz evenings and social dining events. The club secretary David, has given me a loan of all the German language course books and tapes he used during the last three years. He has said that even with company sponsored intensive language courses (these cost around $1200 per week for 30 hours), both he and his wife Lynne were not speaking fluent German until they were at it for two and half years. God only knows how long it will take me.
It really is a monster language and so very different in structure and pronunciation to English. My tongue is having to find whole new contortions to get the right sounds and I am sure that I have managed to tickle my tonsils with it on more than one occasion.
Feels kind of funky like your choking yourself before you can yell HELP! All I can do is perservere and muddle on regardless.
It is at times like this that I wish I had payed a bit more attention to my German teacher, Henry Winkler, during my school years although some of the basic rules of the language that I have found so very useful to date were never explained to me at any point during those years. On top of that my friend Thomas has been throwing me bits of Danish to show some of the Nordish similarities.
Eg:
Dane: Smukke pige, jig elske dig !
Phon: Smoog-e pee-ah, yiiee elska dayee
Tran: Beautiful girl, I love you !
Aust: Smooch piggy, I really dig you
Dane: Jig kann snakke lille Dansk, jig er Australisk
Phon: Yiiee carn snarga leel Dansk, yiee ur Ostrarlisk
Tran: I can speak little Danish, I am Australian
Aust: Just shut up and kiss me
All a lot of fun but seriously confusing in the midst of all the rest of the gutteral germanic sounds I am trying so hard to learn.
It really is a monster language and so very different in structure and pronunciation to English. My tongue is having to find whole new contortions to get the right sounds and I am sure that I have managed to tickle my tonsils with it on more than one occasion.
Feels kind of funky like your choking yourself before you can yell HELP! All I can do is perservere and muddle on regardless.
It is at times like this that I wish I had payed a bit more attention to my German teacher, Henry Winkler, during my school years although some of the basic rules of the language that I have found so very useful to date were never explained to me at any point during those years. On top of that my friend Thomas has been throwing me bits of Danish to show some of the Nordish similarities.
Eg:
Dane: Smukke pige, jig elske dig !
Phon: Smoog-e pee-ah, yiiee elska dayee
Tran: Beautiful girl, I love you !
Aust: Smooch piggy, I really dig you
Dane: Jig kann snakke lille Dansk, jig er Australisk
Phon: Yiiee carn snarga leel Dansk, yiee ur Ostrarlisk
Tran: I can speak little Danish, I am Australian
Aust: Just shut up and kiss me
All a lot of fun but seriously confusing in the midst of all the rest of the gutteral germanic sounds I am trying so hard to learn.
24.2.02
Birth Of The Hilton Hamster
Well I may not be in Oz or in Kansas for that matter but a little magic is still happening to me over here once in a while.
I finally scored a new job which I have to say is a huge relief after 7 months of struggling through the twilight zone of unemployment in a foreign country. I am working for the Hilton Frankfurt as a Night Auditor. Yes I know, famous last words, no more night work for me etc. I can here all the moans emanating from Australia to here but in all honesty, it is at least a job and one that I need little training for which only leaves me the language barrier to contend with. There are a huge number of benefits associated with working for a company like this. To start with the only items of my uniform I had to supply were my socks, jocks and shoes. I get to stay in Hilton Hotels all over Germany, of which there are currently seventeen, with breakfast included for free. I can stay anywhere else in Europe and America for US$25 per night and in England for ₤15 per night. As long as I stay with the company it will bye-bye backpacker hostels for my travels around Europe. They have 2300+ hotels world wide and they encourage the transfer of staff between hotels. Recently they purchased the Scandic Group of hotels in Europe which bolstered their number in Europe by over 150 sites. I get 6 weeks annual leave, 8 weeks sick leave per year and one months salary as Christmas money each year. It takes me about one and a half hours each way to travel there but I only do 4 x 10 hour shifts then take 3 days off. One other perk is that with working nights the union rules here get you a tax free shift allowance of about AUS$300 per month which for me covers the cost of the monthly train ticket with some to spare. I was never offered anything like this in Australia. There is of course the ubiquitous 2 month probation period but short of some problem arising with the language barrier I should get through that without any major dramas.
It is a large hotel at around 360 rooms and it is only 2½ years old. It has all the latest whiz-bang techno bits and bobs and it runs so smoothly in all departments that you would barely know that you had so many rooms in house. The central area is a glass atrium rising 12 floors to the stadium style ceiling, it has 4 glass walled lifts which rise up on one side giving dizzying views to the restaurant and reception below as well as a really good vista over the Frankfurt city skyline through the massive bank of glass windows that cover the opposite side. At night it really is quite marvelous particularly as the Old Opera House with its massive statue of a war horse mounted on the roof, gargoyles and Greek styled amphoras, looms into view under the floodlights that surround it. The other buildings although more modern are quite spectacular as well and this includes the Deutsches Bank building which is currently the tallest in Europe at around 260 meters. The Hilton has won the, ``Best Business Hotel Award´´, in Europe for the last couple of years. So all in all it can´t hurt the look of my somewhat battered and world weary resume. Never the less it is work. Yahoo buckeroo !!!
They have a 2 month orientation period that covers some training as well as history and local knowledge. We have a test at the end of the orientation period which everyone must pass to continue employment and this is something of a worry as the orientation days are presented wholly in German. I have managed to get some translation advice from one of the girls in my group who speaks 4 languages but short of translating the entire company rules and regs and history on my own, this part is looking a little shakey. In the short term I will just have to ask as many people at work, as many different questions as I can and try to assimilate the required knowledge.
On the second of these orientation days we got to go for a walk around Frankfurt with a man called Deiter who has been running these walks for over 20 years to raise funds for the benefit of the local artists club (Künstlerclub). The club has art shows, live music, theatre and dance and it runs on a regular basis year round. Entry is free to all shows and includes 2 glasses of wine but to leave the building costs €10. It was a really great afternoon as he took us to see the old churches, monasteries, museum locations, best restaurants, markets, cinemas and shopping areas as well as towers and vantage points for the best views around the town. We stopped at the Roman ruins which are the earliest known beginnings of Frankfurt, these were uncovered only recently when they started the digging for the construction of a multi-level carpark. Thankfully the carpark project was killed off and the ruins of the Roman house, well and courtyard have been left in place for all to enjoy.
The city of Frankfurt was 85% obliterated during the war and unfortunately the people who were responsible for the rebuilding simply tore down the little left standing of the historic buildings which may well have been saved with some applied effort. Hence it is as such, a very modern city. They were going to tear down the remains of the Old Opera House which had been all but destroyed by fire but upon the outcry of thousands of people in Frankfurt it was slowly and successfully rebuilt. Some opponents to the project (anti-bolshoivists) set fire to the building part way through the restoration but it was saved for a second time as hundreds of locals turned out to fight the flames. It stands today as one of the major cultural landmarks of the city. Of other things like the timber and mortar frame buildings that are so typical of the old German style of architecture, little remains. There is only one original building left of this design although due to a resurgence of interest in the 60´s and 70´s a large number of replica buildings were contructed. These at least give some of the market squares and lane ways a truly medieval air. The wander around town will not only help me to help guests but is also of immense benefit to me as my monthly rail ticket allows me to take an extra person to Frankfurt for free on weekends as well as after 7 at night during the week days. So I guess I will be going there occaisionally on days off for the English Cinema or to see concerts or art museums etc. The Museum of Modern Art is a real head turner and from the little I have seen so far, looks set to recieve a more thorough viewing. Entry is free there every Wednesday which should at some point coincide with my own days off. Rock on!!!
I finally scored a new job which I have to say is a huge relief after 7 months of struggling through the twilight zone of unemployment in a foreign country. I am working for the Hilton Frankfurt as a Night Auditor. Yes I know, famous last words, no more night work for me etc. I can here all the moans emanating from Australia to here but in all honesty, it is at least a job and one that I need little training for which only leaves me the language barrier to contend with. There are a huge number of benefits associated with working for a company like this. To start with the only items of my uniform I had to supply were my socks, jocks and shoes. I get to stay in Hilton Hotels all over Germany, of which there are currently seventeen, with breakfast included for free. I can stay anywhere else in Europe and America for US$25 per night and in England for ₤15 per night. As long as I stay with the company it will bye-bye backpacker hostels for my travels around Europe. They have 2300+ hotels world wide and they encourage the transfer of staff between hotels. Recently they purchased the Scandic Group of hotels in Europe which bolstered their number in Europe by over 150 sites. I get 6 weeks annual leave, 8 weeks sick leave per year and one months salary as Christmas money each year. It takes me about one and a half hours each way to travel there but I only do 4 x 10 hour shifts then take 3 days off. One other perk is that with working nights the union rules here get you a tax free shift allowance of about AUS$300 per month which for me covers the cost of the monthly train ticket with some to spare. I was never offered anything like this in Australia. There is of course the ubiquitous 2 month probation period but short of some problem arising with the language barrier I should get through that without any major dramas.
It is a large hotel at around 360 rooms and it is only 2½ years old. It has all the latest whiz-bang techno bits and bobs and it runs so smoothly in all departments that you would barely know that you had so many rooms in house. The central area is a glass atrium rising 12 floors to the stadium style ceiling, it has 4 glass walled lifts which rise up on one side giving dizzying views to the restaurant and reception below as well as a really good vista over the Frankfurt city skyline through the massive bank of glass windows that cover the opposite side. At night it really is quite marvelous particularly as the Old Opera House with its massive statue of a war horse mounted on the roof, gargoyles and Greek styled amphoras, looms into view under the floodlights that surround it. The other buildings although more modern are quite spectacular as well and this includes the Deutsches Bank building which is currently the tallest in Europe at around 260 meters. The Hilton has won the, ``Best Business Hotel Award´´, in Europe for the last couple of years. So all in all it can´t hurt the look of my somewhat battered and world weary resume. Never the less it is work. Yahoo buckeroo !!!
They have a 2 month orientation period that covers some training as well as history and local knowledge. We have a test at the end of the orientation period which everyone must pass to continue employment and this is something of a worry as the orientation days are presented wholly in German. I have managed to get some translation advice from one of the girls in my group who speaks 4 languages but short of translating the entire company rules and regs and history on my own, this part is looking a little shakey. In the short term I will just have to ask as many people at work, as many different questions as I can and try to assimilate the required knowledge.
On the second of these orientation days we got to go for a walk around Frankfurt with a man called Deiter who has been running these walks for over 20 years to raise funds for the benefit of the local artists club (Künstlerclub). The club has art shows, live music, theatre and dance and it runs on a regular basis year round. Entry is free to all shows and includes 2 glasses of wine but to leave the building costs €10. It was a really great afternoon as he took us to see the old churches, monasteries, museum locations, best restaurants, markets, cinemas and shopping areas as well as towers and vantage points for the best views around the town. We stopped at the Roman ruins which are the earliest known beginnings of Frankfurt, these were uncovered only recently when they started the digging for the construction of a multi-level carpark. Thankfully the carpark project was killed off and the ruins of the Roman house, well and courtyard have been left in place for all to enjoy.
The city of Frankfurt was 85% obliterated during the war and unfortunately the people who were responsible for the rebuilding simply tore down the little left standing of the historic buildings which may well have been saved with some applied effort. Hence it is as such, a very modern city. They were going to tear down the remains of the Old Opera House which had been all but destroyed by fire but upon the outcry of thousands of people in Frankfurt it was slowly and successfully rebuilt. Some opponents to the project (anti-bolshoivists) set fire to the building part way through the restoration but it was saved for a second time as hundreds of locals turned out to fight the flames. It stands today as one of the major cultural landmarks of the city. Of other things like the timber and mortar frame buildings that are so typical of the old German style of architecture, little remains. There is only one original building left of this design although due to a resurgence of interest in the 60´s and 70´s a large number of replica buildings were contructed. These at least give some of the market squares and lane ways a truly medieval air. The wander around town will not only help me to help guests but is also of immense benefit to me as my monthly rail ticket allows me to take an extra person to Frankfurt for free on weekends as well as after 7 at night during the week days. So I guess I will be going there occaisionally on days off for the English Cinema or to see concerts or art museums etc. The Museum of Modern Art is a real head turner and from the little I have seen so far, looks set to recieve a more thorough viewing. Entry is free there every Wednesday which should at some point coincide with my own days off. Rock on!!!